The Invisibility of Motherhood
“She was unstoppable, not because she didn't have failures or doubts, but because she continued on despite them” - Beau Taplin
Hello and welcome to the ALL NEW Mumstoppable blog.
I’m SO excited to be here with you!
This is NOT your regular parenting blog. I will not be giving you any parenting tips or hacks. Because I believe you get enough of those from all the other blogs, podcasts and social channels out there. Instead this is an invitation to take 10 minutes out of your day to work on YOU, mama.
I’m Carly Nair, a certified coach and mum of 2 and I believe ALL mums deserve to feel seen, heard and supported. And I want to do that by bring YOU expert coaching support, wherever and wherever you need it.
So commit to yourself now, Mama. Commit to spending 10 minutes a week reading this blog and working on YOURSELF. And by doing that, I promise your parenting will automatically benefit.
As I’m just starting out, I would LOVE to hear what you think of Mumstoppable, so please feel free to email me at [email protected] with any feedback you have, and any further topics you would like me to cover in future weeks. And, if you like what I’m doing, please sign up to my newsletter here so that you’re the first to find out when new blog posts and podcasts are published (and you'll even get a FREE Self-Love Journal as a thank you for doing so). And, speaking of podcasts, if you'd prefer to listen to the podcast version of this blog, you can do so here:
Now let’s get started with today’s topic… Today we’re going to talk about the INVISIBILITY of motherhood.
DID YOU KNOW that, according to a recent survey conducted by the Peanut app, 72% of UK mums feel invisible? And 93% feel unappreciated?
I’m going to repeat that actually, because I just find it astounding… 72% of UK mums feel invisible, and 93% feel unappreciated!! Now, the reason I find that astounding is not because I doubt it. It’s because nobody ever talks about this stuff!
I absolutely went through a time in my life where I felt entirely invisible, and completely lost - in fact I have a vivid memory of the first time I left the house on my own, having had my first baby. I was going to a beauty appointment (a real treat) and, when I had parked my car in the car park, I had a sudden attack of anxiety and couldn’t get out of my car for about 20 minutes. I had suddenly realised that at that moment, I wasn’t “Mummy”. I felt like, because I had been Mummy and only Mummy for months, that without my baby I was… nobody! All of a sudden, I realised I didn’t know who I was anymore. I felt completely invisible and alone. It was utterly terrifying.
At that time in my life I hadn’t come across coaching and had no idea where to turn for help. It’s only now, looking back ten years later that I can see that my issue was that I had absolutely no self-confidence. I had lost sight of my self-worth outside of parenting, and needed help finding, and LOVING myself again.
And actually, these feelings of not knowing who I was, or what my purpose was, have reared back up at various points in my life (when I went back to work, when my kids started school and when I changed my job, to name a few!). Despite all the reading and Googling, it was coaching that helped me in the end. In fact it didn’t just help me… it changed my life. Coaching left me with a toolkit of things I can use throughout my life to ensure I don't ever feel like that again.
Coaching is a bit of a weird concept, if I’m being totally honest, because in it’s purest form it’s really about the coachee being given the time and space to properly think through challenges, and then being asked the right questions to guide them on their journey towards achieving their goals. In my opinion, the best coaches build on this through using their experience and learnings to design tools which they can pass on to their clients to empower them to solve these challenges, not just in the moment, but whenever they face similar challenges in the future.
Having experienced the magic of coaching myself, and having spent the best part of 16 years working in corporate companies leading and coaching teams, this is exactly what I do with Mumstoppable. In fact, three years ago, I decided I wanted to retrain entirely. So I studied for almost 2 years to gain a certification in coaching (whilst working full-time, being a mum and a wife, and juggling all the other things we have to deal with as women). It was HARD work, but I loved it. And I’ve not stopped coaching, or learning about different methods and tools of coaching, since!
I’m also now a member of the European Mentoring and Coaching Council and abide I by the global code of ethics, which I believe stands me apart from the many non-trained life coaches out there… So, having done my training, I started up a coaching business, but quickly realised I didn’t want to just “be a coach”... I wanted to make a real difference to women. And actually, not just women, but the women who need support most - mums! And so Mumstoppable was born, and here we are.
My mission with Mumstoppable is to empower mums like you to feel seen and heard. I want to put expert coaching support at the fingertips of mums, wherever and whenever they need it. I want to help mums to become Mumstoppable!
So, how does this relate back to that research we talked about at the beginning of this episode? Well, we know that 72% of mums in the UK feel invisible. And based on my personal experience I am confident that coaching can help those mums to feel SEEN and HEARD again. But I’m betting most mums have no idea what coaching is, let alone where to find it. And then there’s the cost aspect, because the best coaches cost a lot of money. With Mumstoppable, you’ll be getting the magic of coaching wherever and whenever you need it - starting with this blog post.
One of my favourite quotes right now comes from Beau Taplin, who writes:
"She was unstoppable, not because she didn't have failures or doubts, but because she continued on despite them"
This is so important, because a lot of the time we as mothers are constantly being shown how perfect motherhood should be - whether that’s on Instagram or Pinterest, and that can make us feel awful when things go wrong. That in turn takes a toll on our mental health, and we spiral into a horrible place where we feel like we are failing, when in reality we are succeeding at keeping our small humans alive whilst not going completely insane!
COACHING CORNER
So if you take just one thing from this blog today, my COACHING CORNER tips for you are simple ones…
Remember - you are NOT alone if you feel invisible. 72% of mums in the UK feel the same. You are NOT failing. What you are experiencing is completely normal.
You cannot function as a mother if you are not okay in yourself. So I am giving you permission to take time out each day to focus on YOU. On YOUR mental health, and YOUR wellbeing - and that starts with committing to listen to this podcast each week.
COACHING CHALLENGE
And at the end of each Mumstoppable blog post, I’m going to set you my COACHING CHALLENGE for the week. This one is all about combatting that feeling of invisibility. And that begins with you reconnecting with yourself. Because as a mother I have no doubt that you are doing a flipping AMAZING job caring for your kids, your partner and everyone around you. But you need to take care of yourself too, Mama.
So I challenge you to have a playdate with yourself. And I don’t mean taking your kids to a grotty soft-play centre and having a coffee…
Today I want you to commit to spending between 30 mins to 1 hour doing something JUST FOR YOU at some point this week. Maybe it’s something you’ve been wanting to do for years but never got around to it. Maybe it’s trying a ballet class! Or a kickboxing class! Maybe it’s going out and shopping for a new outfit for yourself, by yourself (and I’m banning buying any Christmas gifts on that trip!). Maybe it’s treating yourself to lunch out on your own! Or going to the cinema alone! Whatever it is, I want this time to be something you are doing JUST FOR YOU.
And if you want, send me a quick email at [email protected] or find me on Instagram at @mumstoppable_ to let me know what activity you end up doing and how it makes you feel.
Whatever you end up doing, do it for you. And remember, I’m here for you, cheering you on in the background. I see you, mama. You’ve got this. You are Mumstoppable!
Thanks for joining me on the Mumstoppable blog today, and well done for spending the last 10 mins doing something just for you! Enjoy this week’s Coaching Challenge, and make sure you check-in and let me know how you’re getting on with it either over on Instagram @mumstoppable_ or Facebook @Mumstoppable or on email at [email protected]
If you’ve liked what you’ve read today, please do subscribe to my email newsletter here (you’ll even get a free Self-Love Journal for doing so!), and feel free to email me with any challenges you’re facing which you’d like me to cover off on upcoming sessions.
Over the coming weeks I’ll be talking to you about challenges facing mums ranging from feeling lost and like you don’t know who you are anymore, to surviving overwhelm as a mum, to motherhood and the strains that puts on your relationships, to the struggle of returning to work.
For now though, have an awesome rest of the week. And remember, I see you, mama. You’ve got this. You are Mumstoppable!
