How to make 2024 your best year EVER
Hi Mama! Happy New Year and welcome to episode FIVE of Mumstoppable! This week we are launching headfirst into the new year as we take a look back at 2023’s highs and lows, before using some coaching techniques and tools to look at how you can make 2024 your best year ever.
For those of you that want to listen - click below to play the podcast:
Otherwise, you can read this week’s show notes below:
Before we start, though - how was your Christmas and New Year?! I hope it went well, and that you managed to get some rest, Mama. It’s such a hectic time but you made it, you’re through - so congratulations. Did you have a chance to listen to last week’s podcast yet? If not, I urge you to go back and do that when you have 20 mins spare - preferably before bed, when you’re lying down and able to relax completely as there’s a gorgeous self-love meditation included in there which will help replenish your energy after a busy holiday season and ahead of the new year.
Christmas in the Nair house was lovely… I took the week before Christmas off work, because I absolutely love the build-up to Christmas, and luckily for us the kids broke up from school early this year. So we managed to spend some quality time together as a family doing Christmas things like driving around to look at all the Christmas lights, ice skating (not me - I stood at the side and held my breath for an hour, hoping we didn’t suffer any broken bones), we drank gallons of hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows, we went on walks, we did all those gorgeous things and it was genuinely lovely.
However, Christmas day came and went and the children suddenly turned into an absolute disaster… So the last few days of the school holidays was filled with fights, shouting, anger and nastiness… Not ideal, but we got through it and the kids are now happily back at school! Looking on the bright side, it means I feel SO ready for the new year… Bring. It. On.
Right, let’s dive right in with our stat of the week then, Mama. Once again I’m calling on Peanut app’s “The State of Invisibility” report, in which they found out that 93% of UK mums say that since becoming a mother, their pre-baby identity has felt minimised to one identity - Mum.
I spoke about this in the first episode of the podcast, but I absolutely understand this stat. When I had my first baby, I was all consumed by motherhood to the point that when I was away from my baby for the first time (outside of mini-breaks) when he was 7 months old, I had a complete meltdown because of this exact thing. I had become a Mum, and in the process of doing so, I’d lost… me! I had no idea who I was without my baby and I properly FREAKED OUT.
And this is all too common amongst mums of ALL stages, because as your children grow up, their needs change and your identity then has to shift with them. And oftentimes this means we mums lose ourselves again and again, and need to spend time (which we don’t have) rediscovering ourselves and deciding who we are going to be in this new phase of motherhood. It’s exhausting, Mama, and that’s why I want to spend today’s episode talking about YOU. Not you, the Mama, but you the individual. The human. The woman. And all the kickass things you want to achieve this coming year.
Now, to be clear, I am not talking “New Year, New You”, because as a coach I truly believe you already have the BEST version of you inside your current you. But I do want to work with you on how we can get that best version of you to shine more often in 2024. And that’s why our QUOTE OF THE WEEK is this: MAKE YOURSELF A PRIORITY, MAMA
And I say that with love and with the understanding that it’s a hard thing for me to ask of you, when you are SO used to sacrificing for your family. But, you need to put yourself first sometimes. It benefits your children, it benefits your family, and most importantly of all it benefits you, Mama. So give yourself permission to put yourself first more this year.
Now, let’s pay a visit to #coachingcorner because I’d like to do some proper self-coaching with you all. Now, I don’t think we’ve talked about this before but coaching in its purest form is actually about a coach asking you questions. Because the fundamental belief of a coach is that YOU, the coachee, have the answers to any of your challenges within you. You may just need some help and guidance to find that answer. This is why a coach can coach you on any area of your life, without having to know anything at all about it. In fact, oftentimes it’s best the coach DOESN’T know anything about the area they are coaching in, because that way they aren’t tempted to give advice.
Anyway, that’s why in this section, we are going to be asking ourselves questions, in order to dig down in a deep dive of 2023. It’s actually really simple to do this, especially once you’ve done it a few times and get the hang of what to ask next. But let’s start with this:
QUESTIONING
Grab a piece of paper and a pen, or head to the notes section of your phone, or even just be prepared to think these through. And start by tuning into 2023. I want you to really think deeply about the last 12 months. And absolutely think about the highs, the achievements, the successes. But I also want you to dig into what didn’t go so well? What did you want to achieve but didn’t? Where did you get stuck?
Now, once you’ve spent some time sitting with this line of questioning, the key is to keep asking questions to go deeper and deeper into the root of things. For example - if you have identified a time you got stuck, the next question might be - WHY did you get stuck? Was there a doubt, fear or worry blocking your path? Was there a belief you hold that was limiting you somehow? If so, WHY do you have that doubt, fear, worry or belief? Etc etc, and keep going until you have exhausted all your answers.
Now that you’ve got a good idea of your blockers for 2023, I want you to properly list out those doubts, fears, worries and/or beliefs. Give them names. Was it a fear of failure that held you back? Was it because you don’t think you are good enough? Was it because you were worried you’d make the wrong decision? Whatever it was, list them out so that we have a clear view of how things were for you in 2023.
The point here, Mama, is not to spiral into negativity, but to identify what the BLOCKERS were for you in 2023, so that we can address them in 2024 - effectively making sure they don’t block you again this year, so that you can achieve all those amazing things you’ve set your heart on.
IDENTIFYING THE ALTERNATIVE ENERGY
Okay so now we move onto looking at what alternative energy you need to bring into 2024 to combat those nasty blockers we listed out in step one… For example, if your main blocker was a fear of failure, the alternative energy you might need to combat this could be TRUST, or CONFIDENCE in yourself and your decisions. If it was that you don’t think you’re good enough, again this might come down to CONFIDENCE. Take some time now to think about the alternative energy you need to bring into 2024 to combat your blockers.
Great work so far Mama, this is not easy. Also, do not feel bad if you need to re-read this post at any point, or even take a break to think things through and come back to it, as it will likely take you a couple of attempts before you are happy with your list of blockers, and your alternative energies. This is totally normal, and it’s why a coach is often needed, as they will be able to guide you to get to the answers.
START TO THINK THROUGH YOUR VISION FOR 2024
Now that we’ve looked back at what our blockers were for 2023, and what alternative energies we need in 2024 to ensure they don’t rear back up again, we are going to do a bit more future-facing work with some very light-touch guided visualisation. I want you to really relax now, ground yourself but stamping your feet on the floor a few times, maybe shake out your arms and hands a little, and take a couple of deep breaths. Good.
Now, close your eyes (assuming it’s safe! If not, keep them open!) and think about 2024. Think about what success looks like for you over the next 12 months. Think about all the things you want to achieve. And also think about how you want to feel this time next year…
Take it a step further now and imagine you’ve ACHIEVED all these goals. Really put yourself there, in your mind. Use your senses to experience the success. Use these questions as prompts:
Where are you when you achieve this goal?
Are you alone or with others?
What can you see around you?
What can you hear?
Is it loud or quiet where you are?
Can you smell anything?
How about taste or touch?
How do you feel inside?
Take your time and really get into and feel those emotions. And sit here with those awesome, powerful, positive emotions for a couple of minutes…
Brilliant work, Mama. Can you see how the future looks? Did you feel all that positive energy flowing through you when you visualised the end of the year?
THOUGHTS CREATE DESTINY and ACTION CHANGES THINGS
Now, Mama, you have likely heard this before but two lessons I want you to take away from this podcast are that:
THOUGHTS CREATE DESTINY, and ACTION CHANGES THINGS
What I mean by that is, when we have a thought, that thought sparks a belief, which in turn affects how we react. For example if I’m thinking about my 2024, and the goal I have, I might caveat my BIG goal with the thought that “it’s going to be hard work”. This turns into a belief that “it’s going to be hard work”. And that will then manifest itself because everything I do towards that goal will FEEL like hard work… Do you see? Whereas if I catch myself thinking “its going to be hard work”, I can thank the thought for coming to me and for showing me how I don’t want things to be. And I can choose to think something else - in this case “it is what it is… and I will achieve it”. This changes my internal belief and that will impact the actions I take and how they FEEL.
This is quite a deep concept to understand, so feel free to rewind and listen to that last bit again. Take some time to digest it, and email me at [email protected] if you have any questions or want more clarity on it.
Now, this leads us onto the final, and most fundamental step of our #coachingcorner session.
HOW WOULD THE PERSON I’D LIKE TO BE, DO THE THINGS I AM ABOUT TO DO?
Up until this point, we’ve worked on what our blockers have been up until now, what energy we need to involve to banish these blockers in the future, and we’ve had a go at creating a vision for the coming year. We’ve also understood the lesson that our thoughts create our destiny, and that action is the thinking which will create any change. Keeping all this in mind, here is the BIG learning for today…
From here on out, I want you to imagine you are the woman you envisioned in step 3. I want you to take time each day to really imagine that you are her. You have succeeded in achieving all those things you want to achieve. Really feel it deep down. And then, as you go about your days from here on out, I want you to base your decisions and actions on how this future version of you would be acting, in this exact moment.
For example… if your vision and goal is to train for a 10km run this year, I want you to really FEEL what it would be like to be an established 10km runner. When you wake up in the morning, what would that runner do? Is she going to put her running gear on, lace up her trainers and go straight for a run from the school drop-off? Probably! Is she going to spend time weighing up whether to spend a spare half hour that she has reading a book or running? Probably not. She’ll probably squeeze an extra run in. Will she opt for watching an episode of Friends on TV before bed, rather than doing some stretching? Maybe she will do both at once!
The point is, if you start behaving like this super successful version of you NOW, you are training your brain to THINK that you ARE that woman. And that will become your destiny. Can you see how it would work?
So anytime you’re about to make a decision or take action towards your goals now, stop for a beat and ask yourself “HOW WOULD THE PERSON I’D LIKE TO BE, DO THE THINGS I AM ABOUT TO DO?” and you’re setting yourself up to succeed.
It’s such a simple thing, when you think about it, but also SO powerful. I’ve been doing this in some guise for the past few months and am really trying to amp this up in 2024, and I can tell you it REALLY works. Give it a go and let me know how you get on.
Okay, good work, Mama! This has been a LOT, but I hope you’re feeling empowered and have a renewed sense of energy. You have SO much to achieve, and it’s all right there within you. So go out and get it!
COACHING CHALLENGE
Now we can take a bit of a breath as we move onto our coaching challenge for the week. Because we’ve had quite an in depth coaching corner, I wanted to keep the coaching challenge light and fun. And actually, this week it’s something you can do with your kids.
First, you will need a jar of some kind, some scraps of paper and a pen. (Gosh this feels very Blue Peter doesn’t it?!) Once you have those bits, it’s time to start DREAMING! Grab your kids, and all of you start writing down things you want to achieve in 2024. Dream BIG and dream BEAUTIFUL! The idea here isn’t to keep things small and achievable. I want you all to go for it. As you’re writing them, use it as an opportunity to talk to your kids about the things they want to achieve this year. Or even the things they are most looking forward to. Your lovely dreams should inspire lots of conversation as you go.
When you’re done, it’s time to pop all your dreams into your jar. (Remember to fold the scraps up first, if you haven’t already, as we want to be able to pick out random dreams later down the line). Now make a lovely “Dream Jar” label - use big colourful, joyful pens and you could even get the glitter out if you want to add some sparkle.
When you’re all labelled up, you have your DREAM JAR!
The idea now is that each day, or whenever you remember, or whenever you need a pick-me-up, you can come to your jar and pick out a dream, at random. And then spend some time really visualising it. Think about the way we visualised our goals for the year in #coachingcorner where we paid attention to how it felt to achieve those goals. Use all of your senses. What do you hear when you’re in that particular dream? What do you smell or see? Can you taste or touch anything? How does it FEEL? Really get into it. And you can do this with your kids too, it’s a really fun thing to do as a family. You can ask them questions like “what do you hear?” to get them into it.
When you’re done, have a chat with them about what it all felt like, and remember this! This is you telling your body and your mind what it will be like when you achieve these goals and live these dreams. You’re projecting the energy into the Universe that you want to get back this year.
And that’s really powerful, Mama.
That brings us to the end of this week’s blog! Thank you once again for joining me, and well done for spending the last 30 mins doing something just for you!
Enjoy working through this week’s coaching corner tips, and as always, I would LOVE to hear how you’re getting on with the coaching challenge, so please feel free to send me a quick email at [email protected] or find me on Instagram at @mumstoppable_ and send me a DM or leave a comment on one of my posts.
You will also be able to find reminders of the coaching corner tips and details of the coaching challenge on Instagram towards the end of the week.
Over the coming weeks I’ll be talking to you about challenges facing mums ranging from feeling lost and like you don’t know who you are anymore, to surviving overwhelm as a mum, to motherhood and the strains that puts on your relationships, to the struggle of returning to work. Please also feel free to email me with any challenges you’re facing which you’d like me to cover off on upcoming sessions.
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For now, though, have an awesome week, and remember:
I see you, Mama.
You’ve got this.
You are Mumstoppable!
